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5 Airplane Travel Tips From A Standup Comedian

The whole process of flying can be a daunting adventure. My hacks will make your life easier.

1. Packing tight to save time and those luggage fees. Skip the $25 each way luggage fee and the tiring wait at the luggage carousel by efficiently packing that carryon. I can check my bag on many airlines for free, but I still don’t because they either wreck them faster than a Hollywood marriage, or loose them like a Disney characters parents.

Hot Tip: Use the entire volume of your carryon, by rolling your clothes. Pile them neatly and roll them tight, you’d be surprised how wrinkle-free they can stay and how many extras you can bring.

roll your clothes to save room
Around 8 t-shirts, 3 pairs of pants, a weeks worth of underwear and socks rolled up tight. 

2. Use the hotels shower caps to cover your packed shoes. Do you travel with dress shoes or running shoes? Use those clever caps to cover your kicks and put them into your bag without contaminating your entire suitcase with public restroom floor transfer.

IMG_2231

3. Hey, I forgot where I parked at the airport! Take a picture of your parking spot and ticket stub.  Make sure to get the car in the picture also, who remembers what car they drive, rocket scientists maybe?

Comedians guide to travel take picture of parking spot
Have a picture of the details on the parking stub. If the stub is lost, show the attenedant the picture, and watch how much they don’t care. They get mad at anything  taking away from checking Facebook on their iPhone. But in theory, it could work.

IMG_2233
Ahh the Jimmy Kimmel show, I got edited out of the final sketch but still got free parking aka The Monopoly consolation prize.

4. Check into your flight online! Save yourself the agony of waiting in a line full of tourists and scalawags.

Hot Tip: A lot of airlines let you use digital tickets on your phone. But I really don’t want to hand a slippery fingered security guard who has to scan 600 boarding passes in 15 minutes an $800 smart phone.

drop phone at airport
Absolutely smashing

5. Collect air miles, they make you feel important. If there is a fall in currency, you never know… maybe even air miles will be considered the new money. It’s like in prison when you find out how many cigarettes you’re worth.

 

Thats enough for 3 round trips. It doesn't include taxes or days that you would actually want to go somewhere.
Thats enough for 3 round trips. It doesn’t include taxes or days that you would actually want to go somewhere.

 If you fly with one airline all the time, you can build up some nice perks. So, show your loyalty and kneel before your chosen king of the airlines and serve no other masters.

Thanks for reading.. If you need a comedian for a corporate event, fundraiser or Christmas party please get in touch.

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